Temperaments and Marriage: Guest Post by Andrea Merrell
I’m delighted to welcome Andrea Merrell to the blog today. We met in 2010 when I attended the Blue Ridge Mountains Christians Writers Conference for the first time. Her quick smile and warm demeanor made me feel right at home. Only recently, however, did I realize we live only twenty minutes away from one another.
As you can see from her bio, Andrea is one talented lady. Today, she’s sharing an excerpt from her latest release, Marriage: Make it or Break It, published by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. Enjoy! I hope you’ll show Andrea some love by taking a moment to leave a comment, letting her know which tempermant you suppose yourself to be.
By Andrea Merrell
One experience that helped save our marriage and enabled us to understand each other was learning about the four basic temperaments: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic.
Have you ever wondered why your wife burns whatever she cooks, loses her purse, and can’t remember where she parks? Maybe your husband shows no emotion when plans go haywire and doesn’t care when he has a black sock on one foot and a blue one on the other. Your spouse might be friendly but forgetful, dependable but moody, or confident but a little impatient. Depending on the situation, he or she might exhibit little quirks that make you want to ask, “What planet are you from?
Studying the temperaments, which first originated with the theory of the Greek historian Hippocrates (460-370 BC), gave us insight into the behavior of our children and helped us see others in a whole new light.
If you’re struggling to comprehend your spouse’s thoughts and behavior, let’s look briefly at the temperaments, along with a few of the strengths and weaknesses of each.
Sanguine (Extrovert/Talker/Optimist)
- Strengths: bubbly, outgoing, sincere, enthusiastic, friendly, talkative
- Weaknesses: scatterbrained, forgetful, naïve, disorganized, talkative
Melancholy (Introvert/Thinker/Pessimist)
- Strengths: detailed, loyal, dependable, creative, analytical
- Weaknesses: perfectionistic, sensitive, critical, negative, moody
Choleric (Extrovert/Doer/Optimist)
- Strengths: confident, independent, self-sufficient, capable leader
- Weaknesses: bossy, impatient, indifferent, rash, lacks compassion
Phlegmatic (Introvert/Watcher/Pessimist)
- Strengths: calm, patient, happy, peaceful, well-balanced
- Weaknesses: lazy, unmotivated, indecisive, hardheaded, resists change
Do you see yourself—or your spouse—in any of these categories? In the same way most people have a primary love language, they also have a primary temperament, usually with a close second. I like to say that Jesus has a picture-perfect blend of all the temperaments—all the strengths and none of the weaknesses. He has the storytelling gift and sincerity of the Sanguine; the sensitivity, organization, and loyalty of the Melancholy; the confidence and administrative ability of the Choleric; and the calm, peaceful, well-balanced nature of the Phlegmatic. His strengths are the perfect combination. This is why we’re to look to Jesus as our example and standard, refusing to compare ourselves to anyone else.
When we find out what motivates us, we can work to build on our strengths and eliminate our weaknesses. But once you discover what motivates you, refuse to use it as a weapon or an excuse. I’ve heard people say, “That’s just the way I am, and if you don’t like it, tough!” The purpose of the study of temperaments isn’t to put ourselves in a category; it’s to help us understand our strengths and weaknesses so we can become the best version of ourselves we can be.
Don’t ever underestimate your Creator. He knew what He was doing when He lovingly formed and fashioned both you and your spouse. You are His special creation, gifted with unique talents and abilities that no one else possesses. Your spouse is a one-of-a-kind individual with a God-given purpose and destiny, just like you. There’s not another person on earth exactly like you … or your spouse. This is God’s design, His perfect plan. **
** Excerpt taken from Marriage: Make It or Break It by Andrea Merrell published by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. Used by permission.
Andrea Merrell is an associate editor with Christian Devotions Ministries and Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. She is also a professional freelance editor and was a finalist for the 2016 Editor of the Year Award at BRMCWC. She teaches workshops at writers’ conferences and has been published in numerous anthologies and online venues. Andrea is a graduate of Christian Communicators and a finalist in the 2015 USA Best Book Awards. She is the author of Murder of a Manuscript, Praying for the Prodigal, and Marriage: Make It or Break It. For more information visit www.AndreaMerrell.com or www.TheWriteEditing.com.
