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Temperaments and Marriage: Guest Post by Andrea Merrell

I’m delighted to welcome Andrea Merrell to the blog today. We met in 2010 when I attended the Blue Ridge Mountains Christians Writers Conference for the first time. Her quick smile and warm demeanor made me feel right at home. Only recently, however, did I realize we live only twenty minutes away from one another.

As you can see from her bio, Andrea is one talented lady. Today, she’s sharing an excerpt from her latest release, Marriage: Make it or Break It, published by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. Enjoy! I hope you’ll show Andrea some love by taking a moment to leave a comment, letting her know which tempermant you suppose yourself to be.

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Make It or Break ItBy Andrea Merrell

One experience that helped save our marriage and enabled us to understand each other was learning about the four basic temperaments: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic.

Have you ever wondered why your wife burns whatever she cooks, loses her purse, and can’t remember where she parks? Maybe your husband shows no emotion when plans go haywire and doesn’t care when he has a black sock on one foot and a blue one on the other. Your spouse might be friendly but forgetful, dependable but moody, or confident but a little impatient. Depending on the situation, he or she might exhibit little quirks that make you want to ask, “What planet are you from?

Studying the temperaments, which first originated with the theory of the Greek historian Hippocrates (460-370 BC), gave us insight into the behavior of our children and helped us see others in a whole new light.

If you’re struggling to comprehend your spouse’s thoughts and behavior, let’s look briefly at the temperaments, along with a few of the strengths and weaknesses of each.

Sanguine (Extrovert/Talker/Optimist)
  • Strengths: bubbly, outgoing, sincere, enthusiastic, friendly, talkative
  • Weaknesses: scatterbrained, forgetful, naïve, disorganized, talkative
Melancholy (Introvert/Thinker/Pessimist)
  • Strengths: detailed, loyal, dependable, creative, analytical
  • Weaknesses: perfectionistic, sensitive, critical, negative, moody
Choleric (Extrovert/Doer/Optimist)
  • Strengths: confident, independent, self-sufficient, capable leader
  • Weaknesses: bossy, impatient, indifferent, rash, lacks compassion
Phlegmatic (Introvert/Watcher/Pessimist)
  • Strengths: calm, patient, happy, peaceful, well-balanced
  • Weaknesses: lazy, unmotivated, indecisive, hardheaded, resists change

Do you see yourself—or your spouse—in any of these categories? In the same way most people have a primary love language, they also have a primary temperament, usually with a close second. I like to say that Jesus has a picture-perfect blend of all the temperaments—all the strengths and none of the weaknesses. He has the storytelling gift and sincerity of the Sanguine; the sensitivity, organization, and loyalty of the Melancholy; the confidence and administrative ability of the Choleric; and the calm, peaceful, well-balanced nature of the Phlegmatic. His strengths are the perfect combination. This is why we’re to look to Jesus as our example and standard, refusing to compare ourselves to anyone else.

When we find out what motivates us, we can work to build on our strengths and eliminate our weaknesses. But once you discover what motivates you, refuse to use it as a weapon or an excuse. I’ve heard people say, “That’s just the way I am, and if you don’t like it, tough!” The purpose of the study of temperaments isn’t to put ourselves in a category; it’s to help us understand our strengths and weaknesses so we can become the best version of ourselves we can be.

Don’t ever underestimate your Creator. He knew what He was doing when He lovingly formed and fashioned both you and your spouse. You are His special creation, gifted with unique talents and abilities that no one else possesses. Your spouse is a one-of-a-kind individual with a God-given purpose and destiny, just like you. There’s not another person on earth exactly like you … or your spouse. This is God’s design, His perfect plan. **

** Excerpt taken from Marriage: Make It or Break It by Andrea Merrell published by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. Used by permission.

 

Andrea MerrillAndrea Merrell is an associate editor with Christian Devotions Ministries and Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. She is also a professional freelance editor and was a finalist for the 2016 Editor of the Year Award at BRMCWC. She teaches workshops at writers’ conferences and has been published in numerous anthologies and online venues. Andrea is a graduate of Christian Communicators and a finalist in the 2015 USA Best Book Awards. She is the author of Murder of a Manuscript, Praying for the Prodigal, and Marriage: Make It or Break It. For more information visit www.AndreaMerrell.com or www.TheWriteEditing.com.

 

When Joy Doesn’t Come Naturally

by Cathy Baker

So here we are on the final day of our April theme and the one post I didn’t want to write refuses to loosen its grip. 

Truth is, I selfishly chose this subject because I feel like a total failure when it comes to exuding joy. I look at others who seem to naturally tap into that particular fruit of the Spirit with such ease and wonder why it seems more difficult for me. Is it because I’m a bona fide melancholy introvert?  

While preparing to kick off the April series, I said to a friend, “I’m not a naturally joyful person.” And there it was — my answer. 

There’s nothing natural about biblical joy. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds… James 1:2

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy…1 Peter 1:8


May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13



Be joyful always. 1 Thessalonians 5:16

Biblical joy isn’t grounded in a particular temperament 
or swayed by outward circumstances.
It is the supernatural manifestation of Christ
that flows in and through us.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. There’s still much exploring to do on the subject of joy so maybe we’ll pick it up again another month. 

Coming Up in May…

In the meantime, let me give you a sneak peek into May’s theme: Save the Date – Engaging God and Your Creative Senses. You may just be surprised by the ideas that unfold next month. The new posts begin Monday, May 4th. Hope to see you there!

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