Everyone else was at work despite the snow-covered roads. I felt pressure to be there so I bundled up my oldest and headed down the road. I drove for miles without any issues until I rounded a shady curve on an exit ramp to I-85. We slid to the side of the road. As I was getting out of my car to meet a gentleman who had stopped to help, a woman driving too fast for conditions skated around the curve and plowed into my car. In turn, my car hit me and I landed in a nearby gully and the car, along with my eight-month-old son, sailed down the ramp. The policeman said if he’d not been in a car seat he would’ve been thrown from the vehicle. {Thank You, Lord}
Fear laid low like a crouching tiger for two years. Then one night while driving in a rainstorm an eighteen-wheeler crept into my lane causing me to swerve. In an instant, fear lept into action. Over the years, the severity increased. Driving or riding on highways, it didn’t matter. I started avoiding all highways, then busy roads, then bridges and tunnels.
Fear is never satisfied⏤it always desires more, invading the abundant life God desires for us.
I’ve missed out-of-town birthdays, trips to my husband’s hometown in DC, and early on, even a few family beach outings. Truth is, I’ve missed out on much more⏤but even I can’t bear to admit how much.
At one point, I considered stepping away from teaching adult Bible studies, something I’d done for over twenty years. Guilt pursued me whispering how can you call yourself a Bible teacher when you struggle with all these fears? Recognizing this voice was not from God but still feeling the weight of the accusation, I sought counsel from a wise scholar of the Word. He helped to infiltrate my weary soul with a soaking of grace⏤something I’m quick to offer to others but sometimes slow to offer to myself.
I began keeping a journal of God’s faithfulness. When a difficult trip came up, I wrote it down. Sometimes the sentence was as simple as Lord, help me drive to the grocery store in the storm. Every time God chose to miraculously clear the skies or the roads, I gained confidence. And on those days when the skies refused to clear or a kiss from the back bumper left me rattled, I found comfort in knowing God was there, allowing it for my ultimate good.
Almost two years ago, in an effort to move closer to our grandchildren and to the mountains, we considered leaving our beloved century-old home and the city we’d lived in for twenty-five years. Leaving everyone and everything I knew to move an hour away (which was approximately 55 minutes outside my comfort zone) was overwhelming at times. But during the process, we found a home perched on a hill with a spectacular view of the mountains. The only downside was the drive to civilization. Instead of taking five minutes to reach the closest Starbucks (is there a better point of reference?), it would require twenty. Yep, a 40-minute round trip for a grandi-licious cup of coffee.
Fear tempted me to re-think the move. I had enough trouble driving around the corner on rainy days. How could I even think of driving twenty minutes to anywhere? But I had allowed fear to invade too much of my life already. I refused to let it determine we where we lived.
With the words, Enough is enough! the heavy strike of my foot hit the dirt, claiming my right to freedom.
We moved to that house on four acres with a mountain view a little over a year ago. It is an act of faith to drive forty minutes on a two-lane road dotted with roadside crosses but it feels like a kick in the enemy’s shin every single time I do it.
Another shin-kick was dealt at Disney last November. While there, Brian insisted I make a list of everything that tested my anxiety on the trip⏤but did anyway, even if done so poorly. (Let’s just say I WILL ride something on the next trip!) When I returned home, I made the list. Words flowed effortlessly, as did the tears. Mini-victories measured 8-1/2″ x 11″ that day. And as the victories increase, so will the pages. Each one reminding me of God’s desire to live abundantly and that He is here, with me, in the struggle as well as the victories.
Friends, I wish I could end this post in true David and Goliath style. But my fears aren’t totally slain, or honestly, even close. I can, however, say that with every small declaration against fear, freedom gains ground.
And I suppose this is where victory over fear begins for us all.
I covet your prayers on this journey. Maybe I’m not alone. Is there some way I can pray for you?
The morning I spent praying through our home back in January is a morning I won’t soon forget. Perhaps you remember this post I wrote back when limbs were exposed, and so was I.
I can’t say for sure why turmoil erupted from within when I began tapping the keys for that post. Maybe it’s because I shared about my struggle with depression. Or maybe it was revealing my fear of a test result or the fear that my prayer walk through our home may be taken as mystical rather than biblical. My guess is that pride and the enemy were vying for victory as they each tugged fiercely on the rope. Turns out, neither won.
The response from the post was overwhelming. Comments, emails, Facebook messages, etc., confirmed that I am not alone in this desire to have my home immersed in God’s presence. Nor am I alone in the desire to experience palpable peace and an underlying current of joy more powerful than the hundreds of volts running through my home.
Since praying through each room nine months ago, I’ve observed specific ways prayers have been answered.
Front Entry {Prayed in January}
For guests entering our home to feel welcomed and cared for by us, and ultimately, the Lord. To cultivate an open home, regardless of how clean or messy our house is at the moment. For God’s blessing and protection.
How Prayer Is Being Answered
We’ve had more guests in our home in the past nine months than we had in ten years at our last home. Trust me, I know this isn’t anything to brag about. I share it only to say that now when I struggle to open our home at inopportune times, I recall my prayer in January and quietly proclaim, This is Your house, God. Be glorified. And my soul hits the re-set button.
Den {Prayer in January}
For the conversations in this room to be edifying and glorifying to the Lord. To be filled with joy, laughter, and family-building moments. It was also in this room that with outstretched arms I prayed for any spirit not of God to flee, in the name of Jesus. There was no room for the spirit of fear, discouragement, or confusion in our home.
How Prayer is Being Answered
Conversations have taken place on our couch this year that I never dreamed possible. I still struggle with fear in some areas but when I had the same exact test done in July that I had in January, there was no fear.
Kitchen {Prayer in January}
For Brian and my family to feel loved (not cursed) by the food I prepare for them. To receive creative ideas in ministering to others through food and meals. For me to make wiser choices in my food selections. {I’m still reaping the consequences from last year’s stress-mess.} To embrace the mundane work of my hands for His glory.
How Prayer is Being Answered
With increased guests and family visits, the kitchen has naturally become busier than normal. But a special “thank You, Lord” shot to the heavens when I recently served a large meal that would’ve normally sent me running. Brian asked, “Who are you?” I smiled because I knew it was more about Whose I was than who I am.
Where You Create {Prayed in January}
My writing desk is in our little sunroom. I prayed that every word penned would take flight for God’s glory. To lean into, depend on, and rest in Christ for not only the work but also the results. For an outpouring of creativity. To seek to know {by experience} God more deeply, not to seek to be known by others.
How Prayer is Being Answered:
I’m not sure where to begin with this one. Since January, I’ve published two books and several more are following. Let’s just say that when I “heard” God tell me that I was treating my calling more like a hobby (on the same afternoon I prayed throughout our home), everything changed in an instant. I began working on my first book within five minutes⏤literally. Two and half months later, the first book was available on Amazon. To God be the glory!
It’s for these reasons⏤and so much more⏤that I decided to create this free e-book for my subscribers. As an added bonus, I added sensory tips for each room!
If you’re a new subscriber to Cultivating Creativity, welcome!
Your time is the most precious commodity this side of heaven and I do not take it for granted. Every other week, you’ll receive my post in your inbox and once a month, a newsletter with the latest happenings, a small gift drawing, and a spotlight on one of my subscribers will also arrive. (September may have 1-3 additional emails due to the release of my second book and a guest post this Thursday by Andrea Merrell.) Never hesitate to let me know if there is some way I can pray for you or for your family along the way.
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I can’t thank you enough for sticking with me as I meander my way around the learning curves associated with creating our newsletter, new books, and well, life in general. You’re the best!
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“Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the one who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.” – Max Lucado
Which room in your home do you feel could use a little prayer today?
Beginning Tuesday, January 28th, the Ladies’ Community Bible Group will come together in a home setting to study Priscilla Shirer’s Gideon: Your weakness. God’s STRENGTH.
When we hear the name Gideon, most of us think about his 300 soldiers or the fleece he laid out under the evening sky. But Gideon’s story is so much bigger than any one man and his mark on Israel’s history. Like everything else in the Bible, this is a story about God and His people. His love for them, as well as His strength operating in spite of their weakness even through their weakness. And because God’s people includes you and me, Gideon’s story is also about us — our lives, our doubts, our struggles, and our possibilities as believers. From a state of fear, weakness, and insecurity, Gideon emerged as Israel’s hero, filled with God’s presence and His passion for deliverance. This study will encourage you to recognize your weakness as the key that the Lord gives you to unlock the full experience of His strength in your life. In what ways do you feel insufficient? Those places create the greatest opportunity to experience the sufficiency of God. Instead of ignoring, neglecting, or trying to escape your weaknesses, see them as the gifts that they are, given specifically and strategically by God to unlock the door of God’s strength. –Back cover
If you’re in the area, we’d love for you to join us. A dynamic study, warm fellowship, a blazing fire and hot cups of coffee await!
Interested? Simply leave a comment on the blog (if I already have your contact info), email me, or Facebook message me for further information.
Today, one of my favorite bloggers, Allison Martin, invites bloggers to share ten things about themselves. It’s a fun way to build community and to get to know each other a little better. If you’d like to join in the fun, simply visit her blog, The Budget Maven, and add your blog link to her comments.
I want…McDonald’s Frappes to register as a big fat “O” on the Weight Watchers point system. If I can’t have that, I’d like this perched on the side of a mountain.
I have…Barnabas (son of encouragement) for a hubby. He supports my staying home to pursue writing opps, encouraging me at every turn. Add two amazing sons, beautiful daughter-in-law’s (inside & out), and an adorable granddaughter (with a grandson on the way!) Thank You , Jesus!
I wish…home organization came easier for me.
I hate… how fear doesn’t stay put. Give it an inch, it takes a mile, invading more space than you ever desired or thought possible.
I fear… being misunderstood, a world without coffee, snakes, highway travel.
I hear…the humming of our A/C (thankful alert!), a snoring Lhasa Apso, and the sweet rhythm of silence.
I search…for vintage poetry books, sea glass, ideas, ways to spend time with family and friends.
I wonder…what plans God has for Piper, our granddaughter, and if our future grandson is born, or waiting for Brandon and Megan’s arrival in Uganda. They should find out more details soon.
I regret…past decisions, but refuse to dwell on them. Jesus paid too high of a price for me to wallow in the sea of regret. He has cleansed me, therefore, I am clean.
Care to join in the fun? Let me know if you take Allison up on her invitation. I’d love to get to know you more!
Cathy Baker
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